" I guess I was tempted at first, when we were out in the garden, and you were laughing about everything. After though, in the kitchen, I could see it worked both ways, happy and sad." No, the sad was all from me. The buds put me in a calmer place, so I can put up with how shitty my life is now. If I didn't have my knowing I'd be getting high to look forward to, I'd probably go on a permanent crying jag." Mama gets real depressed. Did you see how she looked this morning? By the time she gets home, it will be worse. She might be like that for two or three weeks, and she won't eat and can't take care of herself. When she gets that way, all of us worry." Why isn't she on some mood elevators? I had some, for the first few months after Lonnie's accident. They help, but I felt out of it, and numb, for the whole time I took them. I prefer the natural way myself. The secret to depression is getting relaxed. The more relaxed you get, the less things bother you." Mama doesn't smoke though, not. We then settled in toa night's fun of girl talk, mostly about boys, getting my point of view aboutboy's behavior, until all were asleep on the living room floor. As was usual,I felt comfortable being there, and the parents had no problem with it. Myfirst pajama party! After that party, this group of girls treated me like asister to them....just one of the girls, which I didn't mind...I enjoyedtheir confidence. I had evolved into a group of close friends, girls. By the9th grade, being a member of the group, I had been invited to several morepajama parties. I must've been fun to have around...sort of a mascot. But Iwas more like a baby brother to my friends. They always provided me with theproper attire since I didn't own any girl's things and they insisted I wearthem and, of course, I accomodated them. They always managed to give me thelaciest outfits, of which I never complained. I did, fact, learn to enjoywearing the things, and I think the girls got a kick out of seeing me.
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